SO many people claim to be ‘Christian’ but does that label really tell a lot about a person? Read on to learn a better question to ask when gauging another’s faith as well as 8 ways to tell the difference between a Godly man and a ‘Christian’ guy.
While I was in high school and the beginning of my college years, I always heard the importance of dating a “Christian guy”. So in high school and college, I did just that. I flirted and talked to “Christian guys.” These were the guys who went to church or came with me, didn’t curse, or party hard, or drink, but the extent of their “Christianity” was in what they did and did not do. It wasn’t rooted in a deep relationship with the Lord connected through time in prayer or in the Bible. It wasn’t until I met my sweet husband (hey darling) did I really understand the difference between a “Christian” guy and a die-hard Godly man.
In saying this, I know that every person (men and ourselves included) are on a journey toward spiritual maturity and a deep relationship with the Lord. Some might have just said ‘yes’ to the Lord and are learning how to be a Godly man with each new day. Others have been Christians and are in a season of going through the motions. Still others could proclaim they are Christians because of their upbringing yet haven’t prayed, opened the Bible, stepped foot into a church or been part of a small group in months maybe years. Where ever the guy you are with or the guy you are praying about is my prayer (and I hope yours too) is that his TRAJECTORY is towards Jesus not away. That he is actively searching out ways to deepen his understanding of God’s love and learn more about the character of Jesus and how to live that out in his own life.
At one point, we have probably all found ourselves asking a friend, “Well, is he Christian?” after she gets back from a date or meets a cute guy. To which our friend might respond “yes,” or “no,” or “I don’t know yet, it’s only been one date.” I think a better question to replace this one is: “What is his heart posture or trajectory towards the Lord? I believe this question reveals so much more about who he is more so than asking if he labels himself as a Christian or not.
Ladies, you want to be with a man who is heading in the same direction towards the Lord as you in similar waters of spiritual depth. The Lord will provide this man in His perfect timing so trust and have patience, but in that expectant waiting here are some ways to help you see the differences between a Godly Man after the Lord’s heart and what we will call for the purpose of this article a “Christian guy.”
8 Differences Between A Godly Man + A “Christian” Guy
1. A Godly man realizes that being a Christ follower is not just an appearance thing. Rather, it is a lifestyle and involves a real relationship with the Lord. The evidence of this is a “new life” and a desire to improve each day. A Christian guy thinks being a Christian is about following the rules and doing the right things in order to have the appearance of being a Christian.
2. A Godly man treats you well because you are beautiful, enough, and worthy to be treated well. A Christian guy treats you well when it benefits him. A Godly man is selfless.
3. A Godly man knows the boundaries while in courtship. He knows that true love waits and that it is a sacrifice and a commitment to this decision – one that is not easy to hold to but worth it as that is how God created it to be. A Christian guy does sweet things, and says words like “I love you” to push boundaries or another agendas that are most likely selfish. A Godly man holds his passions and desires for where they belong: in marriage.
4. A Godly man understands the importance of being in the world and listening to the Holy Spirit. It is of great significance to him to be mentored, teachable, and willing to learn from older (spiritually) Godly men. A Christian guy makes a decision without seeking wisdom from the guidance that the Lord has put in place for us through His Holy Spirit or prayer or wise counsel.
5. A Godly man will encourage you to work on your insecurities the right way by understanding your true identity and worth which are rooted in Christ and not in anything of this world. A Christian guy will encourage you and affirm you but through the lens of this world- a lens that will not result in transformation change. He could also use your insecurities against you or feed them if he is not being led well by the Lord and the Holy Spirit. A Godly man will want to encourage you, guide you, and direct you to the feet of Christ first before he tries to fix you himself.
6. A Godly man will not leave you wondering what is happening in the relationship and string you along in confusion. Instead, he will make his intentions clear, and vocalize them in line with what he is praying and hearing from the Lord. He will be honest and mindful of your heart and emotions, as he is striving towards putting you first. A Christian guy might keep putting off the hard conversations as he likes the “fun” and “lightheartedness” of the relationship and doesn’t want to disrupt that. He isn’t going to the Lord and asking for guidance on the future and boldness in how to step into that and lead well.
7. A Godly man knows that true change only happens when time is invested into your relationship with the Lord. A Christian guy will think that he can fix his own problems and change himself.
8. A Godly man will selflessly lead himself and you in fear of the Lord with a confidence that can only come from his identity being rooted in the one that created the world. A Christian guy might lead you, but not with the same conviction of self and faith as a Godly Man. Ladies, you want a man who can lead and protect and take care of you. One that will stand up for you NO MATTER what happens.
Beloved, I hope when you are looking for a man, it is a Godly man. A man who does not take away from your time, emotions, and energy but rather gives those areas life. Do not settle. Do not compromise. And absolutely do not let go of your standards, but remember to ALWAYS have grace. Like you and I, we are on our journeys with the Lord and we will all make mistakes and fall short of God’s glory. So when this happens in your own life- give yourself grace- and when this happens in your boyfriend’s, crush’s, or husband’s life – give them grace too! Love one another well.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” –1 Peter 4:8
Winnie Nyatome-Warner is a lover of Jesus, marriage, people and all things travel and missions. She is married to Nate where they live in Nacogdoches, Texas. Winnie has her own blog and instagram if you want more from her!